Thats Patiala House for You !

(A Review of the Movie ‘Patiala House’ by Swarnagauri Tonse)

‘Patiala House’ is a cute movie wrapped up in cheese that is cheesier than cheese.

We went to the movie with very low expectations, considering the major disappointment from Akshay Kumar in his last film, Tees Maar Khan and the mediocrity of the promos. We hardly had any choice as there were no other films worth watching that weekend and we had to watch something. Thankfully Patiala House wasn’t as disappointing as Tees Maar Khan, and on the contrary was at least 5 times better than it.

The movie is about an ex-cricket star Parghat Singh Kalhot or ‘Gattu’(Akshay Kumar) who has to abandon his dream of playing in the England Cricket Team because of his dad. His dad hates the ‘goras’ because of two of their relatives were murdered  at the height of racial tensions in Southall. After that he devotes himself to the cause of representing Indians of Southall who have been victims of injustice and mistreatment by the ‘goras’. He orders his son to not play cricket, especially with the ‘goras’. As a compliant son of an overbearing dad he gives up his dreams and becomes a shopkeeper of an Indian shop his dad gives him. His brothers, sisters and cousins who live with him (it’s a big joint family) blame him for their inability to pursue their dreams against the wishes of the head of the house, so with the persuasion of his family members and his half-gori girlfriend Simran (Anoushka Sharma) he secretly goes for the try-outs for the new English T20 team, and even makes it.

The big and the only let down of the movie is the story. It is filled with illogicalities and is hardly convincing. On the up side though, all the actors did a good job. Akshay Kumar was subtle and wasn’t over the top, Anushka Sharma was pretty and her acting was good, Rishi Kapoor did a great job and Gattu’s British-Indian family members were a heartwarming lot. My only problem was that a great actress like Dimple Kapadia was given a miniscule role as Gattu’s mother. She didn’t have many lines and just had to stand and sulk. The films does have its moments of laugh-out-loud comedy and poignant drama. The soundtrack by Shankar Ehsaan Loy isn’t very impressive and the songs don’t really stick to your mind, except for one or two. Overall, it’s a pleasant one-time watch. I don’t have any great expectations from the movie’s box office collections though.

If you are willing to digest sour cheese to get to the cuteness of the movie, then surely watch it. I give the movie 2.5 stars out of 5.

‘I don’t Give a Damn’ to Pimples

(Blog-post by Ms Swarnagauri Tonse, MIT, Manipal)

O Pimple! Thou art a heartless monster! Why, oh why do you exist? You are just a manifestation of nuisance which creeps the hell out of people, especially girls, post puberty.

These ghosts have been haunting me since the time I’ve entered my teens. I’m about to leave my teens, and the ghosts never seem to leave me. New ones keep appearing out of nowhere every other morning, without any appropriate warning! These are very, very frustrating. They have even guest-starred in my nightmares! I would love it if all my 1000+ pimples magically turned into evil humans so that I can fight all of them physically single-handedly rajni style. THAT would be less frustrating.

All my pimples seem to have personalities of their own. Some of them grow up to be big guys, some die small. But almost ALL of them start the same. They start as the epicenter of nasty pain which radiates all around the area. The worst are the ones which start growing on or near the lip as they give the illusion of a deadly toothache. All of them mark their territory on my skin with their redness. Some pimples keep growing for upto 2 weeks. These are the big guys. These pimples pain a lot. They are fine to touch, but it hurts constantly. Then there are pimples which last a week. These are the smaller guys, and it doesn’t hurt constantly around the area, but when you touch it, it stings like crazy. I’d have to be very careful when I’m touching my face with such pimples around. When a pimple dies, they also leave behind a mark which lasts till eternity. Scraping off a dry pimple isn’t much fun of a job either, just sayin’. Apart from pimples, my face is also filled with whiteheads and/or blackheads which act like fillers.

My face is so full of pimples and scars and other dirty stuff that my face should be studied as a whole new subject under topography. Or my face should be taken as a prototype for the landscape of mars before embarking on a mars mission. Or volcanoes should be simulated on my face. Or my face should be used as sandpaper. Yes, it’s THAT bad.

Pimples are the perfect embarrassment-inducers. They also happen to be the perfect party-poopers when they appear right before your birthday or any other special event. Many of my friends have claimed that pimples have ruined their beauty(not that they were really beautiful without them, but anyway). If I could, I would banish pimples to Antarctica… or some place… or hell!

Sadly, this side effect of youth doesn’t have any cure. Well, technically it has, but none of the medicines suggested to me by doctors after a good prognosis has ever worked. Thankfully, after all these years of dealing with pimples I have found a good way to lessen pimples. Neither creams nor facewashes nor ‘healthy diets’ work as effectively as an i-don’t-give-a-damn attitude. I’m serious. Whenever I’ve obsessed over them they have just increased. They are just filthy attention seekers. And whenever I’ve not given them enough attention, they would reduce amazingly. So if you’re fed up with your pimples and nothing works, try the ‘i-don’t-give-a-damn’ attitude out. I can’t guarantee lesser pimples though, but hopefully it’ll work.

Meanwhile, I’ll dream about fighting my pimple baddies just like Rajnikanth fights the meanies in his films. Oi Pimple! Mind it!